Birmingham City have heeded an emotional plea from our LOVEly fans for this year’s Valentine’s Night. “How can we head to the match, when my Mrs wants a romantic Valentine’s Day?” they asked. Well, we couldn’t ignore our gallant male fans. Here’s a ‘Lover’s Guide to St Andrews. Give it to your loving Wife/Girlfriend, and – for you lady Season Ticket Holders – try giving this to your ‘reluctant Bluenose’ boyfriend/husband/sugar daddy….
With a 7:45 p.m. kick off, you know you’re in for a romantic evening. Have you ever tried to convince your loved one to give you a massage at two in the afternoon? No, of course not, you need the lights dimmed and the smooth tartness of Small Heath air, to add that extra spice to your evening!
With tickets available from £5 for children, it would be the PERFECT evening to save a fiver, by sending the children to your in-laws, for that babysitting session they’ve been promising for ages! Even better, CLUB CLASS tickets are only £25 which has GOT to be cheaper than a three course meal at Jamie’s!! And – looking at Jamie’s menu – they DON’T serve Bovril! Not especially romantic, is it? Come on ladies, you know a ‘footlong’ is just what you’ve been waiting for (other -smaller – hot dogs are available from unofficial vendors outside…)
Upon arrival at St Andrews (he was a good friend of St Valentine, by the way!), you will be greeted by our very own lovepuppy, BEAU Brummie. The perfect way to treat your ‘beau’ ahem.
##Remember, we also have the wonderful Jean Beausejour for extra ‘Beau’## and ‘Beau’z Myhill!
The squad will be on hand to serenade you, with backing from 28,000 of our amorous fans singing Michael Buble’s little-known paen to love, ‘Keep Right On’ (Arsene is weeping).
Guirane ‘Ndaw-able, Jordon (luv u so) Mutch, Nikola “break the seven year” Zig-itch, Enric “Iglesias” Valles, and of course our very own Patron Saint of Love, Akwasi Asante Valentine, will make you feel at home with their wonderfully romantic Royal Blue kit.
Marvel as Block Eleven lead the whole ground in the epic homage to long-term love, “We don’t care about Carson…(honeybunny).”
Half time entertainment could well include an opportunity to slow dance and smooch to a UB40 tribute act, and a trip down memory lane as former Blues’ heart-throbs hit the pitch. Could it be ladies’ man Christophe Dugarry or our very own version of a ‘Forces Sweetheart’ Karen Carney, or new signing, the wholesome Miss Unitt?
The Club Shop will be selling – ahem – let’s call it, BEDROOM “stuff”. Guaranteed to ignite any romance in the…erm, bedroom department?
You can also buy ‘personalised items’ nudge, nudge, wink wink. Eh?
Finally, how else can we recommend it, other than to tell you you’ll finally get your other half panting with pleasure after 90 minutes of action? Tune into Blues Radio or BBC WM, via your own headphones (not supplied) to hear the ‘thrilling climax’ and – if you’re so inclined – call into the “Royal George” for a ‘Harvey Wallbanger’, and a post-coital tobacco fix…**
Don’t delay, buy your tickets, today.
Yours, in love,
Birmingham City FC.
Loved it all especially the ‘Letter from Ridge’. Valentine’s night I shall be thinking about Ziggy scoring those four goals. Just the thing to drop off to sleep by………..